Arwen Goes Evil
by Rachel-of-Rohan
Summary: Apologies to Arwen lovers everywhere.


EVIL ARWEN

Elladan woke suddenly, to find a knife tickling his chin.

"Arwen, are you sleepwalking again?" he murmured sleepily. "Go back to bed, I'm tired."

"I'm not asleep," came an icy voice, "I'm wide awake!"

"Arwen, are you feeling OK?" said Elladan, just a little bit freaked (well, you would be too, if your sister was holding a knife to your throat)

"Just fine, brother. Just fine."

"OK, put the knife down. Arwen, PUT THE KNIFE DOWN!! NOW!! I'LL TELL DAD!! REALLY! REALLY REALLY! REALLY REALLY REALLY! REAL-" he stopped as the blade pressed closer to his jugular vein.

"What's going on here?" said an annoyed and sleepy voice from around the corner. Arwen sprang away from her brother, hiding the knife behind her back as the figure of her father, Elrond, appeared in the doorway, wearing a matching blue-and-pink striped nightshirt and nightcap.

"Nothing Daddy," said Arwen hastily. "Elladan and I were just - erm…. _playing._"

"Were you attempting murder again?" asked E*****. "I told you after you drowned the cat your Granny Galadriel gave you for your 1000th birthday, it really isn't nice to take the lives of living creatures."

"No, Daddy, we were playing…. _honest!_" 

"_Arwen…."_

"Really, we were!"

Arwen and E***** looked round in surprise at Elladan, who had pulled his Harry Potter duvet up high to hide the red marks on his neck.

"All right then, but if I hear of any murder attempts, it'll be solitary confinement for the next 1000 years." He left.

"Why'd you do that?" Asked Arwen.

Elladan blushed. "Nobody likes a tell-tale," he muttered. "But no more murders tonight, OK? I'm tired. Now go back to bed, little sis."

Chapter 2

The next morning Elladan, Elrohir and Glorfindel went for a walk around Imladris.

"Can you take Arwen with you, please?" asked E*****, now with his hair in pigtails down to his waist, wearing a fifties style mini skirt with a bright pink shirt featuring a massive purple heart in the centre.

"Oh, but Dad…." protested Elrohir. "Arwen always ruins the games we play."

"Yeah, Kiss chase is no fun when the person you're supposed to be chasing starts trying to stick a massive great knife into your chest…." Glorfindel's voice faded out as E***** fixed him with an angry glare. "Er.. Lord Elrond, Sir."

"I don't care, take her with you." They groaned, but did as they were told.

As soon as they were out of sight of the house, Elladan turned to Arwen.

"Right then, I helped you out last night, so you can be nice now, and run along and play with your Barbie dolls."

"I DO NOT PLAY WITH BARBIE DOLLS!!!" Shouted Arwen.

"Shut _up_," hissed Glorfindel "If E***** hears you, he'll think we're leaving you out!"

"Er….. Glorfindel? We _are_ leaving her out!!"

"Good point. Run along, Arwen, we wouldn't want to spoil your lovely dress!"

Arwen stormed of, very annoyed, to go home and play with her Barbie dolls, which she had, whatever she said.

Chapter 3

Elladan found the note under his pillow the morning after he, Elrohir and Glorfindel had stopped Arwen playing with them. It read:

I know where you live. 

I will get you in the end, you cannot hide.

After checking with Elrohir and Glorfindel, he found that they had both got one of the notes too.

"Well, whoever it was, they obviously aren't too bright, are they? I mean, of course they know where we live, they put the notes under our pillows!" Said Glorfindel.

"Any idea who it was, then?"

"Three guesses," replied Elrohir.

"Arwen?"

"Well, duh! Who else?"

"Well, then, let's find her and get a confession out of her," said Elrohir.

"Hey, don't be mean to Arwen, she's only little," that was Elladan.

The others glared at him. "Never mind the fact that she tried to murder you, let's all just be nice to sweet little Arwen, right?" said Glorfindel sarcastically.

"We-ell…. " Elladan looked doubtful. "I just don't wanna see her in trouble. She is our sister."

Elrohir and Glorfindel sighed in exasperation, before dragging him off to confront Arwen.

They found her playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. The same Barbie dolls she 'didn't play with', interestingly enough.

"Don't play with barbies any more, huh, Arwen?" said Elladan, teasingly. "Coz it sure looks like you're playing with them now."

"SHUT UP!!" shouted Arwen, stuffing her dolls away in a drawer, and pulling out a massive knife.

"Ok, ok, he didn't mean it, just put the knife down, Arwen. NOW!! OR I'LL TELL LORD ELROND!" said 

Arwen promptly put the knife away and turned all 'nice'. "Sorry, I promise to be nice in future. Just don't tell Daddy. PLEASE? I'll be nice, really. Really, really. Really, really, really. Really, really really real-"

Elladan, Elrohir and Glorfindel held up their hands in mock defeat. "Ok, ok, we won't tell. Not if you don't try and kill us again."

Chapter 4

That evening, E***** was relaxing in his _bedchamber_ (We LOVES that wordses!) with cucumber slices on his eyes, when he heard a knock at his door.

"Come in," he called. 

The door opened, and Arwen came in, holing a headless barbielooking distraught. 

"D-D- Da-addy!!" she sobbed. "My barbies had a fight!!"

"Arwen," her father said, "I've told you before. THOSE BARBIES ARE NOT REAL PEOPLE!!" Arwen cried harder.

"Oh, stop it!" said E*****, very annoyed at being disturbed in his beauty session. "Go and pester your brothers." Arwen stormed out of the room, and went to pester her brothers, as her Daddy had suggested.


End file.
